Written by Florian Steciuch, as originally published in The Reverse Review.

One of the more difficult times of my adult life was when my father-in-law was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. I witnessed the anxiety and uncertainty it generated. I remember the stress and “lively” discussions my wife and I shared during the final months of his illness before his passing in 2009. What struck me hardest was how suddenly he lost control. We had to step in, taking charge and making decisions for him. It started with when and where he could drive, then what he could eat, and finally where he would live his final days. I thought about how scary it is to go from being in total control to being totally dependent on someone else. Thankfully, he was prepared financially, and my wife and I were able to provide the care he needed and deserved.

I share this because I believe, as reverse mortgage professionals, we need to understand this important part of aging. A financial planner and good friend of mine says retirees need LUC : liquidity, use and control. That is exactly what we can provide with a reverse mortgage.

Liquidity This aspect is rather obvious (to us, at least). We take an asset (the home), which is illiquid and has zero ROI, and turn it into an asset that provides tax-free liquidity. We do this through the options available with the HECM: term or perpetuity payments or a growing line of credit.

Use The second component is use. Can the retiree use the tax-free proceeds for what they need, when they need it? They simply need to determine how they want to receive the funds.

Control The most important component is control. Have you ever had a client say no to your well-prepared proposal? We all have. When you dig a bit deeper into the reason behind the no, what do you hear? Of course, some will complain about the fees, the potential loss of equity, etc. But here is what I learned over the years: The no is their way of controlling a portion of their life. It is important to understand where they are coming from. Gathering financial information is sensitive, of course, but asking what the past several years were like can be even more sensitive. Do they have an adult child that has been making most of the decisions for them? That’s a loss of control. Has their doctor put them on a restrictive diet? That’s another loss of control. Have they recently cut back on expenses—going out to eat, cable TV, vacation—because their finances have changed? That is another loss of control. So, when you finally get in front of them and make the case for a reverse mortgage, they exercise one of the last forms of control they have: the ability to say no.

Now, don’t fret, this is not a dead-end for you. Rather, it is an incredible opportunity to educate the potential client and put them in a financial position that gives them back some control. I often say that when you run out of money, you run out of options. Another way of saying that is when you run out of money, you lose control—control of where you can eat, what you eat, where you live and even the quality of care you will receive.

That is why I stress the importance of understanding the retiree and their need for control. You can ask questions to help them see how a reverse mortgage can provide the right answers. Ask them to share how they see their retirement. Does it line up with what they dreamed about 20, 30 or even 40 years ago? Follow up by asking how different their retirement would be if they had the funds they needed. Here is where you can shine. Take a look at the numbers. Discuss current and future expenses. Draw the contrast between not having and having. Encourage them to imagine how different their life could be.

Look, our clients have a lifetime of experience. We need to respect that. They also need our help, and we need to embrace that opportunity. I recently consulted with a client who was brutally candid with me. He told me he was saying no simply because he could. I was taken aback for a minute, but replied with a warm smile and affirmed that it is important for him to have the ability to say no. I did not contest it. But I did share how saying no to a HECM could result in the loss of control in other areas of his life. In this case, it was home health care costs. If he refused to access his home equity, ultimately the choice of where he will live will be forced upon him by his children, or worse, by his possible decline in health. When I said I wanted to provide him a way to have more control over his life, he began to listen and ultimately decided to proceed with the process.

So, when you hear “no,” don’t flinch; smile. Understand where it’s coming from and show how you can help. You can provide something that could potentially change your client’s life